Best Friends

She had best friends when she was small.

Mary had lived in the house behind hers, both backyard gates openeing into a small fenced in area where Mary's family stored wood. She and Mary had thought it was their own secret place. They would meet in the dank, crouching down in the dirt with the bugs and the worms, telling each other secrets and pretending to save the world.

They had been so close. Best friends. They played together every day, it seemed, although looking back that couldn't really have been possible. They went on walks together, visited the town shops, pooled their pocket money to buy candy and toys. They sang secret songs with secret made up words. Kelly always remembered to invite Mary to the movies, and Mary invited Kelly to sleep over. They camped out in a make-shift tent, curled up in sleeping bags on the floor.

Junior High changed it. Mary went to the Catholic School... Saint... Saint something. Kelly went to Truman, with everyone else. She was jealous at first, stroking the plaid skirt Mary told her she had to wear every single day. Catholic School. Kelly had the idea that Mary would make Mary even softer and more pure than she already was, until Mary would shine like the virgin she had been named for. Instead, mary started smoking. She started bringing home strange girls who smirked instead of smiled. Together the Catholic girls looked like a gang, mmanaging to look unkemp in their matching uniforms, but still sharing lip gloss they lifted from the drug store in town. The last time they hung out Mary stoe a candy bar and a tube of Oxy, which she handed over to her friend. "You really should start using this," she had said. Kelly had felt her heart break in two at that moment.

She had had other girlfriends, all company for movies or lonely weekends. All were potential roomates or dinner dates, But there was always something in the way. And now... now that she was married... now that she had children... she only saw these friends on occasion. Two or three times a year. Tops.

She never thought that being grown up would mean being so lonely. She had always assumed she would have someone to go shopping with. Come to think of it, wasn't that what Greg was for? Weren't they supposed to do all those things together? wasn't that what she had been looking for while dating all those other guys? Someone to tell secrets to, who would let her pick the movie half the time. She didn't realize that Greg would tire of her - and she of him - after awhile. She hadn't realized that taking vows didn't mean she wouldn't need another person to talk to.

When she pictured her new friend, she pictured another Mom. Someone close by who would come by just before lunch. Their kids could play together and they could chat about some soap opera or TV show... or about a movie they both wanted to see. They could take turns going to the gym or out with their husbands while they babysat for each other. They could even watch each others houses and feed each others pets during vacations.

Fantasy. All fantasy. She guessed that friendships like that only happened in movies or on TV, or in books. Like those marriages where they guy comes home from work and sets the table or gives the kids a bath, and still kisses his wife on the lips when he leaves for work. People, grown up people, just weren't that close.